Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth?
So, you want to do therapy. How good are you at talking? A better question-how good are you at listening and attending? Therapy is a conversation. For it to be healing, there needs to be a foundation of honest sharing and receiving.
Psychology defines language as a system for expressing or communicating thoughts and feelings through speech, sounds, or symbols. Can you speak music? Can you speak hot yellow, black, or red? How about html? I’m asking the way some ask if you speak Spanish, or Gullah, or sign language. There’s language in everything. While each subgroup, or culture, uses unique esoteric communication amongst its members, we’re all likely having parallel conversations.
Language is more inclusive, and marketable, than many of us realize. Imagine if you listed speaking colors, or emotions, as a secondary or tertiary language to an application, or contract. Your value could potentially double/triple if you can understand and share sufficiently and honestly about the psychological experiences and needs of people. It seems trivial, but companies spend millions of dollars learning and retaining their employees.
Poor/ineffective communication is one of the most frequently listed frustrations by Clients in therapy. When I worked inpatient at a psychiatric facility, I had the opportunity of rounding with the clinical staff. At this time I was researching mental health treatment efficacy for my dissertation study on healthcare dependency. Clients (significantly higher for Clients low in SES and literacy factors) disproportionately expressed not understanding their diagnosis, as compared to those that did. During this time this hospital system adopted a new “plain language” model for hospital alerts. Adopting a plain language model introduced a paradigm shift of shared and inclusive care.
Talk therapy without purpose or sensitivity to the nuances of communication can be ineffective to the bonding, and helping experience. Adopting a plain language model could help shift the way we treat mental health, shifting treatment power and responsibilities back towards individuals and their communities.
Client, the best experience happens when you participate. Your Clinician can give their best effort when you share your needs and expectations-openly and honestly. Therapy is a shared commitment to sharing, receiving, and attending to problem areas.
Clinician, while diagnostic language approves our expertise, consider the following example of how plain language might be more beneficial to the healing process; I was meeting with a Client that blamed her lack of productivity and life dissatisfaction on (having been diagnosed with) major depressive disorder. I attempted to focus this Client on her thinking and behaving, as to simplify her condition and the control she had over realizing healthier life outcomes. I focused on the criteria of her diagnosis, not the diagnosis. This Client discontinued our work after 3 sessions. She expressed that I was blaming her and not her disorder-“my condition won’t let me-”.
So, if you want to do therapy, here are a few communication skills to develop along the way:
Talking together. Rapport is the foundation for a therapeutic relationship. Being able to share and receive thoughts and feelings is a skill that takes great courage, and practice. Being easy to talk to is one of the most frequently mentioned characteristics of a good clinician.
Shared language. Use language that Clients can relate to. Introduce new language to expand their understanding of condition(s). Use teach back methods to ensure understanding of new information.
Asking for permission. Some conversations are difficult to have. Even when there is a healthy therapeutic relationship established, asking for permission to broach certain topics is respectful and can be empowering for Clients to dive into painful areas.
Active Listening. Feeling heard is another frequently mentioned charateristics of good counseling. Conversations are two-sided. Be ready to receive, openly and actively. For effective listening, ask for confirmation of understanding.
Attend to the nonverbals. Body language is autonomous from what’s being spoken. Sometimes Clients show, not tell, how they’re feeling. Pay extra close attention to microexpressions-very small and quick unconscious facial movements that communicate deeper thoughts and feelings.
Challenge inconsistencies. Not everyone likes to be challenged, or seen, but addressing incongruence between what’s said and shown is beneficial to Clients’ growth. This let’s your Client know that you are attending, and refocuses them on alignment.
Having the conversation is - TherapeuticLiving.