Cognitive Reframing
Before I discovered therapy as a profession I was doing the work. As the middle child, and (in my mind) my grandma’s favorite, I was a natural mediator-between my siblings, between cousins, and even negotiating summer adventures with the adults. In Psychology, the middle child is often referred to as the “lost child”.
From my work on parenting, I’ve discovered that parents nurture the 1st and 2nd child differently. Parents tend to be overprotective and more invested the first time around. (We’ll dive deeper into this phenomenon later.) The oldest child becomes the adult-ad hoc, responsible for the 2nd. The 3rd child, especially if it’s (finally) a girl, becomes the jewel of the family.
You’ve got to be a middle child to fully appreciate this perspective; however, I start with my birth order to explain my natural disposition as an observer/negotiator/fixer. When you’re the middle child nobody really hears or sees you, no matter how much you “look what I can do”. The important stuff comes from the oldest. The cute stuff comes from the youngest. Because I wasn’t overwhelmed with instructions or attention, I could spent more time observing, adventuring, and solving puzzles.
Sibling disputes were easy. Negotiating with adults was challenging, but I figured it out-be respectful and never undermine their authority. Eventually I graduated to social change agent-undermining authority-higher learning, military, and other systems of oppression. Somewhere along the journey I lost site of “the work”. My scope got too big. I lost my framing.
This is where I reset…
On a recent trip to Costa Rica I got to reflect, on where I’d come from and where I was headed. If you’re looking for a sexy place to adventure or reflect, add Costa Rica to your list. A week in the rainforest was like a sorbet cleanse for my psyche. I feel refreshed. I feel lite. I feel gratitude. I feel connected. I feel clear.
On the way to whitewater rafting our tour guide stopped at a local market. Jovanna handed me what looked like a red pear. It was a rose apple. It tasted exactly like what you would expect a rose apple to taste like. It reminded me about expectations and nuances.
In practice-counseling, therapy, and psychotherapy are apples of a different shade. The nuances that differentiate them from the other are seemingly trivial-education, credentialing, scope of practice, billing, etc. When you get into “the work” you realize that credentials/programs of study/acronyms are minimal to the healing process.
Think of therapy as a process of massaging toxic psycho-social problems from one’s spirit. Traditionally, we think clinically about therapy-healing conversations between client and provider. Profession politics aside, therapy can come from your pastor, grandma, mentor, or well-meaning friend. Even higher, therapy can be an individual experience-meditation, journaling, listening to Sade, smelling a scent, catching a flight, exercising, etc.
Whatever and whoever gets you from not your best to thinking/feeling/behaving more conducive to healthier life outcomes-do that. We’re all uniquely different, specifically in discovering the things we need to live well. If you’re anything like my younger Self you trial-and-error life’s discoveries. If you’re more like my conscious Self, you’ve accepted that life is a team sport and have found courage in asking for help.
As quoted of Albert Einstein-Any darn fool can make something complex; it takes a genius to make something simple. As we get back to the work that we’ve come to do we do so with a new frame of reference-the basics.
Right mindfulness is - TherapeuticLiving.